Why is this an issue? I think my hurt comes from the fact that I expect Christians to be inclusive and not resort to cliques.
Literally, most of the time I spend in church is not about listening to what is preached but studying people intently and asking myself, “What is that person doing that makes them popular?” or “Why is it that they get on with X so well?”
It has gotten to the point where it has become obsessive. I can’t go to any kind of church 20s/30s event without making myself feel hurt. It’s a constant game of trying to put on a confident face and get people to think that I’m a well-rounded person.
I just wish I could stop this.
Perhaps I put a lot of pressure on myself and others, expecting there to be no faults in anyone, but the reality is that we are all sinners, and this ideal will never happen.
Just because we are all Christians doesn’t mean that we aren’t capable of hurting others.
So how do I fix this?
The truth is, I can’t. I so, so, so wish I could change things, but I know that is literally an impossible job. The only thing I can do is change my response to the situation.
What does this look like?
I can make sure that I don’t show favouritism in church by being as welcoming as I can to new people. For this reason, I will do my best to talk to those I wouldn’t normally talk to in church.
I need to stop studying others in detail.
It is exhausting, and it will never lead to a positive outcome. Learn about people for who they are, not by what you perceive on the surface. For example, you may see someone as popular, but you have no idea what goes on in their minds. You don’t know what they may struggle with. They probably don’t see their lives in the same way you see their lives. I’m sure it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
The truth is, we should be looking at people as individuals, not by their group status. I’ve got to stop viewing people as part of a clique or not.
A lot of my fears come from deep insecurity within myself. It’s almost like I don’t like who I am. I continually fear that people find me boring and dull. And every time I hear about a clique gathering, it feels like it just reaffirms my beliefs about myself.
I need to be rooted in Christ. Don’t let your status be determined by what happens in a clique or by what happens between others. It will never help you.
I need to pray that I am rooted and built up in Christ.
All of these things — the “clique” and the comparisons to others — have become a massive distraction. It needs to end, and I need to prioritise my relationship with Jesus.
Anything that seeks to stop this relationship is not of God but of the devil.
Even when things are going well, I must keep drawing close to Him. Also, I should talk with people I trust—they might help put things into a different perspective.